PHANTASMAGORIA

Ghost Story!!!

2009-12-04T14:03:00.000-08:00

Life has been good, search or lack of something has been exciting. The one thing that I swore to stay as far away as possible, has not followed me but has been with me throughout the time. Realisation of this one thing that it will never be under control is sinking- sinking deeper with time, as I see the reflection of moonlight in the lake on the waves, as I see leaves land on earth with an amazingly captivating drift, as I grow older and younger….. And this too ended, ended with the tune of Ghost story…

"Ghost Story"

I watch the Western sky
The sun is sinking
The geese are flying South
It sets me thinking

I did not miss you much
I did not suffer
What did not kill me
Just made me tougher

I feel the winter come
His icy sinews
Now in the fire light
The case continues

Another night in court
The same old trial
The same old questions asked
The same denial

The shadows closely run
Like jury members
I look for answers in
The fire's embers

Why was I missing then
That whole December
I give my usual line:
I don't remember

Another winter comes
His icy fingers creep
Into these bones of mine
These memories never sleep

And all these differences
A cloak I borrow
We kept our distances
Why should it follow I must have loved you

What is the force that binds the stars
I wore this mask to hide my scars
What is the power that pulls the tide
I never could find a place to hide

What moves the Earth around the sun
What could I do but run and run and run
Afraid to love, afraid to fail
A mast without a sail

The moon's a fingernail and slowly sinking
Another day begins and now I'm thinking
That this indifference was my invention
When everything I did sought your attention

You were my compass star
You were my measure
You were a pirate's map
A buried treasure

If this was all correct
The last thing I'd expect
The prosecution rests
It's time that I confess: I must have loved you

Reasons

2009-07-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

It’s been almost 7 months since I blogged. I can probably pen down numerous reasons as to why writing dint happen or like I love calling it inklink (yes! That’s rite n appropriate) dint happen. But sometimes reasons don’t sound reasonable, reasons cant makeup for the heart wrenching pain, reasons can’t fill the void that a combination of time and pain has created they are just a way to console self or others. (or something that helps one live in self denial of truth )
Something like telling
A loser “winning is not everything”
Your X “I dint mean to hurt you, but you deserve someone better”
A human “friends don’t mean a thing”
Anyone “I don’t really know”
Well reasons don’t actually give hope, most are down rite lies and few are hopeful sentences. But most demand for it though they genuinely know that reason that’s going to pop out will be genuinely lame or the story will be a genuine lie shouting rite on your face and introducing itself as “Hello, I am lie don’t waste your leftover precious time pondering over me, MOVE ON”

Clock of cowardice
Mermaid eyes
Sugar I wear

Throwing a dice
Dewy eyes, a
Reason I swear

Ray to hypnotize
Shall be cast,
Move on if you dare

Earning without working ain't a art!

2008-12-03T21:58:00.000-08:00

Leader and P.S.U
Back in 1990's I used to hear from one of my neighbor very frequently –almost every other evening-”life cant get any better” (I dont get to hear this not bcoz my neighbor started workin in different place or the org. he was working realised that something disastrous was happening but just bcoz he is no more my neighbor)well I dint understand much about this statement he used to make so one day I went ahead to ask him what did he mean then I got a reply which almost made sure my career goal was based on this … “don’t you see dear, I get paid for doing nothing other than waking up early in the morning traveling to the office by company bus(free) and shifts change once in every 15 days, ,and yeah how can I forget almost (price was so low) free food, all that am expected to do is just stay there from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. i.e., only attendance matters …No assignment, no work just time to relax(relaxation time ?!? for doing nothing??) ”…There came a wish- I too want to be paid for doing nothing ,one day…. Well as I’ve reached that state now… am not gonna crib about it. No am not a employee of a P.S.U. and timing is also different in my case...Stigma that adheres to P.S.U in India happened not just because few of its employees left their office every evening to spread such narrow and strong news. Growth of theses undertakings…. Should I talk about it… everyone knows about the loses associated I guess…

Had Nehru seen this coming? Don’t think either he or his country-wide-hopeful-ardent believers/supporters had even an iota of doubt about the success of his vision.(Great vision without, can say, proper implementation ).Nope am not a saffron supporter either. All I say is it played a major role in holding back My country’s growth unlike what happened in China(our competitior ,can I say that …hmmm…may b yes…or may b no) decades back.Yeah I have been referring to license raj, PSU’s and such polices or undertakings.

This opinion that I have been carrying since almost quarter a century, refuses to change but I, like every modest and hopeful Indian still hope that within half a century from now I would witness the change. At least - Once in lifetime ;)

This is one of the very few opinions that I wish gets negated as soon as possible. I would like myself to say one day--- “holds no more”.

Nehru definately was a great leader India has ever had but when rulers commit mistakes we have seen what happens..

Earning without working ain’t a art!

World lost for a Wish!

2008-10-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

Hoping to rest, laying hope to rest
Intoxicating looks, dissecting memories
Long sighs, longing induced grief
First lovely sight, heart slitting split
Beatific smile, forlorn eyes
Warm hands, frozen looks
Moments of closeness, years of indifference
Chosen Daydreams, inexplicable nightmares
Hollow words, earsplitting silence
Blue sky, grey life
Trying to exist, failing to live
Failing to wish, wishing to fail
Crafting one world, destroying all hopes
World lost to one last word-war.

For that moment and glee

2008-10-08T05:41:00.000-07:00

Those heavenly stares
Wishful, loud and shy
Pierced through my eyes
And blinded my soul

Reigning passion preceded
Unhidden blushes
Beatific smile preceded
Looming beatitude

Those long but simple
And longed for, walks
Sometimes sun drenched
Sometimes rain sluiced

Built my hopes under the
Soft shadows you cast
Lighted by the words that
Materialized in your eyes

Dinned by blithesome talk,
Cherubic expression,
Mocking version,
I went chasing rainbows

Veil that once vanished
Listening to the unsaid words
Promising silence
Bound me to hope!

Immortality Graph!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-19T07:32:00.004-07:00

Changes take place, for good or bad, but it does happen even when we are in a temporary state of death (sleep : )) fortunately or unfortunately it’s a constant. Sometimes its dynamism would make us fall to knees praying for it to not show its very behavior (though we understand very well that nothings gonna stop it) and sometimes we pray for it to know on our doors as soon as possible (yes! We can’t stop it but can most of the times run towards it if we wish…thank god for this option).

Three certainties in life:

*Tax

*Change

*Death

Few dynamics/variables:

* I

-> Value

-> Feelings

-> Looks

-> Hand writing

-> Thoughts

-> Parallelism

-> Perceptions

-> Hopes

-> Zest

-> Complexities

-> Assertions

->Confusions

* Seasons

* People

* Lifestyle

* Dreams

* Relations

* Rules

-> Self imposed rules

-> Rules n assumptions for supposed sustainable development

* Prayers

* Material/matter in this Universe

* You

* Morals

* Health

* Values associated to

-> People

-> Materials

-> Money

-> Love

-> Life

-> Morals

-> Food

-> Death

-> Age

-> Rules

-> Entertainment

-> Knowledge

* Hope

Time binds all of it. This fourth dimension circumscribes all of it except one, only few fortunate ones get to know this exception closely. Time defines all of it but what I see, what am interested in, what I want to draw or rather want to be drawn in a way that makes me feel I was actually living when I look back at it is (with much of involvement of none but me), what am gonna carry with me (material negated here), what I will be defined by is the graph of me vs. time.

Riding on,into and through civilizations

2008-09-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

A new high tech train launched and yes it is reliable, provides great customer service, cost (we won’t care about cost if it serves the purpose), no maximum limit on the amount it would carry…….wondering amount???????? Read ahead………..
Bernard Baruch termed a state of conflict, tension and competition that already existed, which I think is apt, nothin else would have described it in a better way .Global warming definitely has increased the average measured temperature of our dynamic Earth but can it have any effect in the coldness that has kept generations frozen! World is too cold a place to live.We act as a very good medium of transport and also put maximum efforts to make sure our passion,love and coldness lasts long and get transmitted.
End of beautiful life due to coldness induces due to us far exceeds that induced due to weather

Queen ran and ran and ran..on the run gave up everything, finally found her King

She lost diadem,
And met only
first last and frozen
Coldness in his eyes

No country for old men…murdereds eyes…a dead inhuman walking around the city???????
Last closness that one feels before that final goodbye.
When toes tell u that’s its all over I’ve started freezing n so will u…

Not much time
make one last wish,
pass one last smile,
seize one last lovely sight.

One intellectual person goes into a thought of soul searching and all that and finally realises that he does need to get rid of the coldness that has haunted him since a real long time.This person with g8t difficutly stabs his own ego and even breaks one of the “I”or rather “Mine”sphere that all of us build around ourselves(which I think is inevitable and a must most of the times)Yes this person does go ahead to break it but its impossible to break it all when met with a tight fist. Instead it “might” increase coldness that already exists.
Train n wh y not rocket? This train travles at any speed u ask for and its for us earthly beings with down to earth(am not refering to proud quotient) emotions…just that tiny effort needed go ahead else board the train it’l take you through civilizations and is about to leave the station ; )

Coldness captured
In his last kiss,
In Manslayers eyes,
In deaths hold

waitin...................uhu

2008-08-06T02:26:00.000-07:00

An argument, an ambulance

The sound of sirens in my head

Just like you're singing to me

I don't think this is how it goes

Most possessed thing today most probably wont remain so,will be a scrap,as time passes.Then why are so many people involved in this quagmire?

There is so much left to do
Somuch left to say
rather shout
So much left to see
So much left to feel
But time for none of it
When its is borrowed one
Not left with a choice
Its jus inevitable,
I gotta wait

Battle lost if LEFT...

2008-06-09T00:37:00.000-07:00

Left s left, well! am not talking about the gaucherie associated with this sense of direction.
Ron asks Harry potter and Hermione to take positions on that ravenous cannibalistic chess board, except Ron the mind player none knew why a particular move was being followed but fortunately in this classic Fabtabulous and of course famous novel the authoress J.K. Rowling did make sure that all the three characters knew why it was being done…benevolence act followed…but yes in this world most of the people are victimized and thrown directly into a vicious circle else onto a Byzantine path leading to one such state/circle.. before even they realize they are characterized by someone (maneuverer) in their win else lose nothing game, here the contriver sets the rules, chooses the humanly character who are going to move exactly in the way they are wanted to(not just because of their hypnotized lunacy but they are living on something that actually that doesn’t exist.. this game has no platform to rely(yap there is one thing to rely on that is the ruler else God of his own world/Lucifer ) or stand on) or devised to, sets the background, foreground and also plays the game by himself. There is nothing to lose in this game except that those sane characters are no more left human. Yes this is the left I was referring to… r v still left wondering why gaucherie is associated with it ? Walking on the left side makes as much sense as asking rather shouting for a rider/driver to churn out on a pre-agreed upon suicide note thought the second party is unknown..
Is this the reason that you are given right (=! Left) place ?
Aren’t we left here to figure out everything for ourselves? LEFT…Why is it treated like the way it is, anathema…. a curse everyone of use fear, a blackballed life zapping spell which would never, even if begged for, kill anyone under its mystifying impregnable clutch at once..
You left me a song…
Out of the glitter and the shine,
Out of the corner of my eye,
Saw you walk in,
I freezed the frame,
My luck again.
We could have been strangers if we tried
Moved to the rhythm side by side,
Maybe a glance across the room,
Blue moon

Why do the hours burn so long?
Sunset and shadows call,
I hear the music playing on
I know you're gone but you
You left me a song

Under the skylight after dark,
Crept in to find you, what a lark
We were like children stripping down,
The joy we found.
But even the lights that turn me on
Make it so hard to see beyond;
Make it a rainbow in my mind
- This borrowed time

Why do the hours burn so long?
Sunset and shadows call
I hear the music playing on
I know you're gone,
but you
You left me a song
You left me a song
You left me a song

Life is Beautiful????

2008-06-08T23:56:00.000-07:00

Mario Puzo made one of his main character say what most of us wish we would end up saying at the time when we give our final wise and sound judgment which wouldn’t change anything for anyone else other than ourselves…yes it the only thing that matters…the final declaration!!!!!!!!!
Won’t I wear off, at the end disappearing into nothing but just a Gory Phantasmagoria, trying to resist? wont I change what I have believed till date( what I have lived for or eked out till now…what I have seen heard read and yes obviously what I have gone through and finally acquired, should I actually be happy to lose the last part which has ruthlessly thrown me into this exorbitantly inexplicable whirlpool??????)? Wont this age old shield, am not sure about the protection provided by this aegis, give away to this flesh piercing strokes? Won’t all the sanity induced humanly anger am carrying with insanity induced agape love leave me cold even in grave? Won’t I live again or ever, for once? Won’t I place myself in a puzzled garden before I give that last smile before I start wondering whether to declare “Life is Beautiful”?

Standing in the air
Coiffured background
Flanked by kitschy word
And my parlous wager

Hopeful eyes watching
Your stratagem
Hypnotic trance
Refusing to beseem

Whirlpool tiding
A Mast without a Sail
Gravestone ferrying
A Life without me

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...silence on the way

2008-04-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

Moments that have hurt or those which have meant a lot are accompanied by silence is it because we inadvertently choose to keep it so? Or because we get involved with ourselves so much that there is no place for any type of noise to creep in?
It is referred to in many novels, poems, articles,
songs, movies. It exists everywhere just like music does though both can neither be touched both carry
sense, both try to communicate, both can be felt, both have the capacity to victimize you or to take you to a blissful state which sometimes you get to chose and sometimes unfortunately you dont. They exist and are at the opposite ends of the continuum but at the flick of a moment they change to one another.Its good if you understand this silence else not a big deal go switch on to some good music………..

Am on the run………

2008-04-29T11:04:00.000-07:00

Teemed with the memories
That once induced intoxication
Now churn up to create
A shuddery phantasmagoria

Thought could reside
In the Eden, but
Nimbus cloud fled
Flooding my whole side

Ran till numbness embraced
Till I escaped from
The aroma of grief
Residuum crippled, for life?

Ogre saved
From the hands of death
And redeemer
Lay hope to rest.

Chill on the horizon……….

2008-04-29T11:02:00.000-07:00

Summer solstice rays
Spreads golden carpet
Permeates the Auburn trees
And the dryness with a dizzy glee

Muddy aroma wakes me up
To the thunderstorms
Splashing the beatific smile
Trickle, drip and drop

Starlit November sky
Wondering through winter blues
His icy sinew makes me
Sigh away all the doldrums

Through the autumn breeze
And the fall foliage
Creeps mild sun rays to sing
Blissful harvesting songs

Living ,only sanity!

2008-04-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

Day night breaking each other
Civilizations Immortality sublimed
And so did life and glory,
Your incense vanished
Change, only constancy!

Sound in a dying man’s head,
In a dictum waiting heart,
In Living man’s prayer,
In her endearing eyes
Silence, only sound!

Spring has passed by leaving
Sea of loners in cold land
With cold less blood
With no warm memories
Death, only certainty!

Conjured up world in the air
Senseless mind reflected
Vigilant hopeful Eyes saw
Souls flew, and so did you
I, only truth! Only existence!